Filling your own cup first…

If you have ever been on a plane you know the drill – “should there be a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the panel above your head, remember to put your own oxygen mask on first, before assisting others”. Makes you think – even in a life or death situation we need to be reminded not to die while coming to the aid of others! Wow!

How many times have you been so exhausted but when the call came from a friend you went straight to their rescue, whether it was staying on the phone with them for hours, or going to be with them physically, when what you really needed was a bath and an early night. Or perhaps a more common one, having things you need to do for you to feel good but foregoing them because someone else needed something from you (guilty on that one right here).

Let me drop what I need because you need me for something, and probably for something not as important as my own well-being. Yup I said it! And we need to say this to ourselves more, and say it to others – I cannot help you if I am already running on empty myself, and I cannot drop everything in my life for you when I need those things for myself, for me to be ok. Allowing ourselves to run on empty without replenishing ourselves before we tend to others, and trying to pour into others when our own cup is already empty are all too common ways of being – no wonder we are all on the edge of burnout.

I will say something else controversial – sometimes the best word you can say to a friend in need is “no”. If you do not have the capacity, the head space or the energy to help, say no! Do you think that friend wants you burning yourself out or neglecting your own basic needs for them – I would hope not. And you would not ask that of them either, would you?!

A helpful practice here, to be able to feel better drawing this boundary, can be to get in the habit (!), when you yourself ask for help, to ask if that other person has the capacity, time and energy to help you as you need. It is pleasantly surprising how that behavior will soon start to be mirrored back when that other person is then asking you for help later. Try this one next time you need help and see what happens.

This is not to say that we should not ask for help – oh my, please always ask for help and support when you need it! Don’t ever feel bad for asking for support in hard times – we are programed to be social animals, to bond together in times of danger and times of need, not split apart. And if you feel bad for this ask, I will tell you something that was said to me a long time ago that changed my perspective forever – the person you ask for help usually feels a sense of honor and pride that you trust them so much in your life to ask them for that help!

So how do you replenish your cup? While everyone is unique on how they recharge, here’s some suggestions to get you started:

• Meditation
• Self care – whatever that looks like – a bath, energy work
• Journaling (of course)
• An early night, good sleep, a midday nap – our brains need sleep!
• Movement – yoga, a walk outside, stretching practice
• Nature – a walk on the beach/woods, putting your hands in the earth
• Spending time with someone who brings you joy
• Getting organized
• Get cozy – blanket, fuzzy socks, hot tea, you get the idea

What fills your cup? See if you can find something new that will recharge and reenergize you this week!

Try this tip today: Recharging through journaling…

Some tips on how to make journaling something that replenishes you and brings you joy…

• Journal in a beautiful notebook, or a notebook that means something to you
• Get a pen that you enjoy writing with, something smooth, so you don’t even have to think, the pen just glides over the paper as you write
• Look at where you journal – can you make it more comfortable in some way, more inviting
• When do you journal, and can you make it a time that you are alone, a time you can truly breathe and release – and fully replenish?

Can you stack this journaling habit with another way that you fill your cup – for example, if being in nature revitalizes you, can you journal in nature one day? Can you have an energy session, like reiki for example, and journal straight after to use that energy alignment for complete revitalization? What other ways can you stack your journaling habit with something else – so that you can supercharge it and yourself?

Try these practices and see how your mental health & wellness improves.

Be Well, Real Well, xo